Graduating from the = business of youth sports

=20

About The = Author=20

Graduating from the business of youth sports

Posted by Mark Di Ionno/Star-Ledger=20 Columnist April 28, 2009 7:48PM

Christopher Barth/For The Star-LedgerBrittany Sachs, left, and Jessica Bitsack, drag weight = sleds=20 during their workout at Parisi Speed School in Morris Plains in 2005. = Sachs is a=20 field hockey player, and Bitsack plays soccer year-round.

Thirty million kids play in youth league sports in this country.

When 30 million people do any one thing, that one thing soon becomes = big=20 business. In the past 15 years, there has been an explosion of club = teams,=20 private coaching, strength and conditioning gyms, sport-specific camps, = and any=20 other pay-to-play endeavor to capture this market. Winter indoor leagues = for=20 warm weather sports. Off-season leagues. Year-round this, year-round = that.

It is all designed to help kids become high school stars and -- the = pot of=20 gold at the end of the rainbow -- help them get college scholarships. =

Thirty million kids play, but for a healthy slice of that number, it = becomes=20 work.

This is the story of one of them.

For years, the father told his kid's story as a cautionary tale about = youth=20 sports burnout.

The kid was a natural. The minute she picked up a field hockey stick, = she=20 loved the game, and it loved her back. She ran the field with colts' = legs and=20 ponytail flying.

When she got where she was going, good things happened. In her first = season=20 in middle school, she was leading scorer, then came back and did it = again.

Her high school team was a perennial state power, but the kid played = a little=20 varsity by sophomore year. Senior year, she was captain, and once hit = the ball=20 so hard during a game, it broke in half. Everybody froze as the refs = tried to=20 figure what to do. After her freshman year she joined a private club. = The coach=20 was a former Olympian, from a South Asian country where men play field = hockey.=20

She became a better player, yes, but the schedule was nonstop. There = were=20 weekend tournaments in places like Virginia Beach and Scranton. For = eight hours=20 a day over two days, the girls would play a 20-minute game, and then = have the=20 next 20 minutes off. All day like that. By the end of the day, the girls = spent=20 their 20 minutes off massaging their sore feet.

There were national tournaments in California and Florida. There were = programs called "Futures" that promised "Olympic development." The team = traveled=20 to Holland one summer. Good experiences, yes. But an awful lot of field = hockey.=20

But that's what she wanted: to concentrate on her sport. How can a = parent say=20 no? How can you derail a kid's dreams? That's where they get you. That's = why=20 youth sports has become such a big business.

While the kid played, the father saw how a kid's sport can = cannibalize family=20 life. Dinnertimes on the bleachers instead of at the table. Sunday = mornings on=20 the bleachers, instead of church. Families packing up like nomads, = wandering the=20 landscape of youth sports, going off distant cities for weekend = tournaments,=20 living out of hotels, eating out of fast-food bags, caddying their = little stars'=20 equipment bags.

The kid got her scholarship. She went D-1, as they say in jock = circles.=20 Better yet, she was red-shirted as a freshman, meaning the Maryland = university=20 that signed her was willing to give her five years of education. As long = as she=20 played.

But when the kid got to college she learned the truth. She wasn't = there to be=20 a college student; She was there to be a field hockey player. = Year-round. Early=20 a.m. workouts, afternoon sessions. Lifting and running came before = learning and=20 studying. Classes were what you did when you weren't with the team.

The father went down for a game during her freshman year, even though = he knew=20 she wasn't playing. At the end of the game, there was a team tailgate. = The hover=20 parents were there with their flowers, balloons and casseroles and = sandwiches.=20 When the kid came out of the locker room, the father saw it on her face. = This=20 wasn't college. This was an extension of high school.

"She's done," the father thought.

The next spring, she made it official.

"Dad, I don't want to play anymore," she said. Too much sport, and = not enough=20 school. And she loved the school.

But the free ride was over.

What happened next was this: the kid who grew out of her sport and = grew into=20 adulthood. She made up the scholarship money by working as a waitress. = First at=20 a crummy chain, then graduating to finer restaurants. She got her = in-state=20 residency after a year of showing income and a permanent state address. = She did=20 this by signing a townhouse lease then finding roommates to fill it up. =

There were bumps along the way. Work was exhausting. She got stiffed = on the=20 rent by one deadbeat. All in all, it was probably harder than playing. = But it=20 got her ready for the world outside the lines.

Long story short, the kid graduates this week with a degree in = economics. The=20 story has gone from a cautionary tale to one of success. She attacked = school the=20 way she played and now graduate school awaits, paid for by a teaching=20 assistantship. The kid, my oldest daughter, is already thinking Ph.D. =

Of course, some of these life lessons she learned from playing = sports. But=20 most she learned from living life off the playing field, where winning = and=20 losing isn't black-and-white, and where the game is not packaged in = manageable=20 time slots, but comes at you relentlessly and unexpectedly.

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COMMENTS (10)Post=20 a comment

Posted by KingTuchas on 04/29/09=20 at 9:31AM

Well, given the fact that the assistant coach at that university goes = on=20 trial in six weeks on morals and weapons possession charges, it's good = she got=20 out of there in time.

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Posted by shutooo = on 04/29/09=20 at 10:45AM

Great story!

And congratulations....sounds like you raised a terrific young woman! =

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Posted by petuniabug on 04/29/09=20 at 12:31PM

Same thing happened to my son who wrestled since he was in third = grade. He=20 did very well all the way through high school and went to college. After = several=20 injuries and trying to balance everything, he called home one night and = told us=20 he was through. He said he was tired of waking up feeling like an old = man. I=20 can't describe the relief I felt. He went on to graduate and is doing = well. What=20 most parents and kids don't realize is that most of these athletes won't = make a=20 living doing that sport. If I had to do it over again, I would encourage = my=20 children to pursue a lifetime sport instead of the sports that beat up = young=20 bodies and make them old before their time.
Great story.

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Posted by jennymoose on 04/29/09=20 at 12:57PM

I really enjoyed reading your story about your daughter, = Mark.
Very=20 eye-opening. Best wishes for a successful life & career for
your=20 hard-working daughter!

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Posted by cathygee = on 04/29/09=20 at 1:15PM

Congratulations to your daughter!!! By working her way through school = like=20 that, rather than through sports, she definitely learned some lessons = (like the=20 deadbeat roommate) that she wouldn't have learned otherwise. Hard work, = and=20 sometimes hard lessons, but they will help her continue to navigate = through=20 life, where the lessons just keep coming.

And a lot of the story sounds so familiar - my own daughter (now a = college=20 junior) played travel soccer, but she was done before HS. Almost never = touches a=20 soccer ball these days - which is sad, because she has a lot of natural=20 ability.

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Posted by candlelight on 04/29/09=20 at 3:57PM

Well there are some happy sports stories. Perhaps it depends on when = you get=20 out. My daughter was a national level skater, traveled the US and Europe = as a=20 teenager representing the US and had an amazing journey. Yes, she = trained hard -=20 5 days a week for 10 years - and sure it cost a bundle but the life = lessons she=20 learned were invaluable (I would say priceless but I know the exact = dollar=20 figure and it's not pretty). She knows first-hand the meaning of = perseverance,=20 dedication, hard work, performance under pressure, working with scarce=20 resources, winning and losing gracefully, time management, and much = more.

She "retired" at age 18 because she wanted to attend college = fulltime, live=20 on campus and participate in all aspects of college life. She didn't = think she=20 could do this while training 30+ hours per week. Now, four years later, = she is=20 about to graduate. All along her sports accomplishments have opened = doors for=20 her, from her college application to her resume, they differentiate her = from=20 others. She can speak and conduct herself with confidence. She has = interesting=20 stories to tell at interviews. Of course, some of that is who she is, = her=20 education, background, etc., but I do credit her sports experience - = from the=20 endless training to the high-stakes competitions - for contributing to = building=20 these skills.

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Posted by JerseyOpine on 04/29/09=20 at 4:35PM

Kudos to your daughter for her intelligence, confidence, hard work, = &=20 perseverance. These are qualities that take many years to instill & = develop.=20 And, how wonderful that she had your support through all the tough = competitions=20 & all the tough decisions.

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Posted by MarkDiIonno on 04/29/09=20 at 4:58PM

Thanks, everyone for your classy comments. I also received about 100 = positive=20 emails.
But you never know with nj.com
I was afraid the usual = crew of=20 egg-throwers and graffitti artists would come out, but maybe they've = finally=20 been driven from the site.
I've said it before, but I think I have = the most=20 intelligent and thoughtful and just plain decent readers on = nj.com
Thank=20 you.

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Posted by awinningmom on 05/01/09=20 at 12:12PM

thank you for the article, from a soccer basketball aau mom who has a = daughter entering middle school who needs to make the right choices. = your=20 article will help me enfirce my decision to help her make time for her = honors=20 classes and make the tough decisions on how much sports to play. I say = school=20 comes first, but i take her to practice, sometimes double practices, 4 = nights a=20 week. games all weekend, 6 games in soccer and basketball last weekend. = I feel=20 she can take her determination and work ethic and put it to work in = school, but=20 we know she does better balancing both. When does a parent choose? Seems = sad to=20 find out too late, like this father did, but we don't want to quit too = early=20 before she realizes her potential. Then athletes die of heart failure. = It is so=20 scary, and I will keep looking for the answers right for us. I will show = her=20 your article, and we will make those tough decisions about choosing her = sport in=20 High School. Maybe some colleges are better about balancing education = and=20 sports?

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Posted by CoachDave8 on 05/01/09=20 at 4:41PM

Mark,

This is a terrific column. We just linked to it from the "Youth = Sports=20 Spotlight" section at www.positivecoach.org hoping to get our national = community=20 of coaches and sports parents to read and learn from your = experience.

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Graduating from the business of youth sports

Posted by Mark Di Ionno/Star-Ledger=20 Columnist April 28, 2009 7:48PM

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